Its My Heart Your Holding

Having someone love and trust you,

with all their heart
is the greatest and most important gift one could ever receive.
It is also the biggest responsibility.
Be sure that you are ready to take care of that persons heart...
as though it were your own.

"My Heart is Not the Type to Sway"

* I am my number one. If I am not your priority, you will not be mine.
* I will not waste my time waiting around for anyone.
* I will take care of myself before taking care of someone else who doesn't appreciate it.
* I will no longer invest energy in part time friends.

* I will use my money to go places that I really want to be, to spend time with the people I absolutely love... And to see more concerts lol

* I will do what I want to do, when I want to, how I want to.

* I will remain honest and trustworthy.
* I will stand up for myself and speak my mind.

* I realise that there are a ton of people in this world to meet, I will not worry about loneliness.

* I understand and value my self worth.

* I will never understand why people try to justify things they don't know anything about. If you don't know, educate yourself before you speak. I will learn from this mistake.

* I will gain as much knowledge as I can about as many things as I can.

* I will form my own opinion around the knowledge that I gain, and I realise that many may not share the same opinion. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions.

* If I am wrong, I will admit to it. If I don't understand, I will ask.

* I realise that no one is perfect, and I will not expect myself to be.

* I will not fight a losing battle. Some people will always be "right" just because they can't stand the thought of being wrong or imperfect. This is their problem, not mine.

* I will stand up for what I believe in. No matter what.

* I will call you out on your mistakes, and applaud your good qualities and acheivements.
* I will continue to reconize something good in everybody, even if they've let me down.

* I will always put family first.

* I will try my best to be respectful and kind to those around me, even though at times it may be difficult.

* I will think before I speak.

* I will not let anyones immaturity, jealousy or spiteful actions upset me. This is a reflection on their character, not my own.

* I will be grateful for the incredible people I know and focus my energy on them.

* I will continue to be forever thankful to those who have helped me achieve my goals and dreams, and who have taught me the importance of integrity and love.

* I will continue to remind myself that without love and compassion, there would be nothing.

"Give up get it out of your head,

Crawl away from me.

Some times its better left alone this way,

And maybe its time for a little bit of change.

Todays a brand new day."

Running

Run

to feel your strength,

to feel the air,
to feel alive.

Run

to let go,

to forget.

We are all running from something.

...Or for something.

To my dearest friend, with love...

Dear Far Away Friend,

I needed to write you this letter because I want you to understand just how important you are to me. Our friendship began at a lovely college I like to call "OC," in a wonderful history class. We started our friendship by sharing notes, comparing quizzes and having last minute cramming sessions in the library. Surely enough, we quickly became life long friends. I will never forget the first time you told me about your good friend and invited me to go meet him- I was so inspired by his story and even happier to have met someone who loved caring for people as much as I do. I knew right away that you and I were going to get along just fine. I want to thank you for so many things that I don't even think it's possible to write them all down; or even explain to you the amount to which you have changed my life.

When I first moved to Kelowna I was in such a transitional faze. I had no friends and no family anywhere near me and I was hoping to start a whole new life for myself. Right away you made every effort to introduce me to new people and new experiences. Whether it was beer league baseball, wings and drinks with friends or the chance to study together you were always sure to invite me along. You explained to me the ins and outs of college life and made me feel at home in a totally foreign environment. I remember one week I was getting really homesick and life just wasn't going the way I thought it would; you made me the funniest CD ever full of goofy soundtracks and songs. I listened to it that night and laughed and laughed and eventually cried because I was so happy to have met you. Thank you for being the first person I knew I could count on.

As time went by things for me got harder and harder. Fortunately, you were always there to show me the bright side of life. Thank you for always, truly, listening. The wonderful thing about you is that you always know the right time to offer advice. Thank you for letting me cry when I needed to, and for forcing me to go out when enough was enough. I remember right before I left, when life was getting really rough, you came to my house pretty much every day to check up on me and make sure that I was doing ok. For hours, you sat on the couch right beside me while I cried and cried, and my mom made us perogies just because she knew how much we loved them. Every time I think about that moment I can't help but cry. I truly believe you saved my life.

Eventually, it was time for me to move home. It was so sudden and I was so scared. I didn't want to lose any of my friends, and I didn't want to let go. I was so worried and so torn about my decision. My first months back home were hard, but once again you were by my side letting me know that I was not alone. You gave me space and time to heal, you gave me strength to believe that I could do it. You had faith in me when I didn't have faith in myself. For this I am forever grateful.

There are some things that I want you to know. First and foremost is that I love you. I will always, always, be here for you no matter how far apart we may be. Second, is that I have so much faith in you, and that I am so proud of you. You are an amazing, incredible human being with so much to offer to this world. Everywhere you go you make people smile and everywhere you go you make people feel loved. This is something that most of us can only dream of doing. I have every confidence that you will accomplish every goal you set for yourself and that one day you will touch the hearts of many people. Never, ever, stop believing in yourself. And never change who you are.

I know we have a lifetime ahead of us full of laughter, tears, and joy. I cannot wait to see all the memories we'll share together ten years from now. You are one person in my life that I hope to know until the day that I die. To be honest, I'm not quite sure what I would do without you. I don't need to explain to you the connection that we have, but I do want you to know that I believe I am extremely blessed to have you in my life.

You are,

without a doubt,

my angel.

<3

Me According to Me

I always wonder what I would tell someone about myself if I only got a split second to describe myself to them. There are so many dimensions to a person that it's hard to imagine what people's first impression of you could be..and moreso if its accurate. Here are some serious and some ridiculous things about me that you probably didn't know...

The top 10 most real things you will ever know about me

1. I am extremely honest. I don't like lying, and I don't like people who lie.

2. I cannot stand when people say things about me that aren't true, or give others the wrong impression of who I am. There is nothing in the world that hurts me more.

3. I'm tougher then most people think, but there are certain things (and only few things) that put me right over the edge.

4. I keep promises. And I cannot understand why some people don't.

5. I love love love to laugh, and I love to laugh especially when its so hard that it hurts and makes you cry.

6. I believe in true and real love. But I don't think love is easy.

7. I am extremely self concious about my knees.

8. If I'm upset about something I usually let it build up until I cry and cry and cry, and then I feel better right after. I'm horrible at holding grudges.

9. I love hugs. Love love love. In fact, I like hugging more than kissing.

10. If I could help one person every day I would be the happiest person alive. I live to make other people happy and to see smiles on other peoples faces, even if that means sacraficing my own happiness at times.

The top 10 most ridiculous things you will ever know about me

1. Tomatoes freak me out, they make me totally queezy.

2. I have a huge mouth. Huge. It's embarassing.

3. My toe nails are always painted. Always.
4. When I was 13 I climbed a tree only cause I knew I couldn't get down and I would have to call the firemen (I have a serious thing for firemen, clearly).

5. If I'm having a bad day and I'm cranky or sad or mad there is one thing that will without fail make me happy and thats the Backstreet Boys. I. Love. Them.

6. When something grosses me out (ie: spiders, blood, needles etc.) my feet and legs go completely numb.

7. My room is a semi permanent (ok lets be real its permanent) mess. However, other then that I'm probably the most anal and organised person everrrr.

8. Me and my best friend used to run around the block and spy on people in their houses. Like full on creep in their windows.

9. I love doing laundry.

10. I am extremely, to the max, the most awkward person on the face of the earth when I like someone. Awkward to the point of stuttering and shaking and avoiding that person at all costs. It's bad. And semi hilarious if you ever witness it.

The Truth About Lies

There are some people that I will never understand,
and there are probably some people that will never understand me.
There are some people that will always lie,
always cheat,
always betray others,
and who will never know the true meaning of love.
I often get scared thinking about these types of people...
I often wonder how they fool others so easily,
and how they take advantage of those who give love so willingly,
and choose to live a life of complete lies.
I will never understand how these people can continue on with their
days knowing how much they have hurt someone,
or how much they're about to hurt someone.
I will never understand that.
I will never understand how these people feel no regret,
no shame
for what they have done.
And furthermore, how they chose not to learn from these mistakes.
How they keep making the choice to hurt good people.
Sometimes I wonder if I should just feel sorry for these types of people,
I wonder if they truly are,
lost souls.
And then I think about all the people they try to bring down with them,
And that makes me feel like maybe they should never
feel true love,
because maybe people like that, really,
don't deserve too.
To me, love is something you take, but more importantly
it's something you that you give.
You give love.
And if you can't give real, honest love, then what gives these people the right
to take it...

"The Road to a Friends House is Never Long"

The last year has been full of ups and downs.
A year ago today, I was sitting on an airplane on my way back home to Calgary.
That may have been one of the hardest days of my life, but also, one of the best decisions I could have ever made for myself. Although at the time I wasn't sure of my choice, I knew that I was no longer the person I wanted to be, nor was I surrounding myself with the right people.
I have learned some hard lessons;
That people may not always be as they appear,
People take advantage of kindness
and that love isn't as easy as most people think.

This year, I was fortunate enough to bring in the New Year with some of the most amazing people I have ever met. On a whim I had decided to go back to my home away from home, Kelowna. Not knowing what would come of this adventure I tried to keep an open mind and open heart. Nevertheless, I can't deny that I was a little worried that things weren't going to feel right, that perhaps, old friends had changed, moved on, and I would be left feeling just as alone and confused as I was a year ago. To my surprise I was welcomed with open arms and the most love I have felt in a long time.

An amazing friend of mine introduced me to so many incredible people, people that I will never forget and that I will always hold close to my heart. Every single person I met was so accepting of who I am and made me feel so welcome and at home. I realized, that it is these type of people I want to spend my time with...furthermore, it gave me so much hope knowing that there really are great people in this world.

I always loved the fact that I grew up in a big city, nevertheless I am often surprised when I meet new people that are so laid back and easy to get to know. I'll never forget the huggeee skating rink in RJ's back yard with a fire going and the game playing inside- it just felt like a huge family of unreal people coming together and having a fab time. It was even nicer to all sit down together, eat a ridiculously delicious dinner and getting the chance to know everyone a bit better.

To all the wonderful new faces and new friends- you're some the kindest, funniest and care free people I have ever met. Although I only got to spend a couple days with you they were, most likely, some of the best times I've had in a long time. Whether we were playing hilarious balloon games, dancing until uncalled for hours of the night, watching volleyball, or hockey, going on fudgesicle excursions or just lazing around we always managed to have some pretty good laughs. You were all so awesome and I feel truly blessed to have had the chance to meet all of you. Thank you for being so kind and warm and for letting me be a part of your lives.

I was also lucky enough to see some old faces; Cody- your such a huge inspiration to me, thanks for letting me "move your limbs" and next time I'll be sure to bring some cake! Shaun- You're such an unreal friend and so much fun to be around. I don't think I've ever met someone who loves Dane Cook just as much as me! Jame and Cass- You're my girls and I love you so much! Jame: "So Hannah met a boy, I think she's in love!" Cass: "YESSS!!!! She's moving back for sure!" Rich- You're one of the strongest and most amazing people I know. Thank you for really listening.

Whatever challenges, adventures and changes await me in the next year I feel confident saying that I am now in place where I'm surrounded by a group of incredibly supportive and loving people. Furthermore, I have grown in ways I would have never imagined for myself. Where my life takes me is within my control, and my control alone. I have every opportunity to succeed, and more importantly, every opportunity to support those around me. I never believed this to be true but I can now vouch that it is- In order to take care of others, and to surround yourself with people that will love and care for you as much as you do them, you must learn to love and take care of yourself first. Become the person that you wish to be, stay true to yourself and only happiness will follow.

"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us."