Under Your Skin

Be Real. Although you may be focusing on one certain person, event or aspect of your life remember that there is more to your world then just that one part. Do many things with your time. Be well rounded, because the one thing that you've been fixating on may not always be there. Don't put all your eggs in one basket. Life is a balance of many things, and it's in that balance that we are able to discover everything we are capable of. Be Confident. You are who you are. Recognize that there will always be someone prettier, smarter, nicer, whatever. Accept that everyone is different, and that our differences are what make life interesting. Be confident that those around you love you for who you are and that they are attracted to what sets you apart. No one is perfect, so don't try to be. Just be you. Love Fully. Love and care for the people in your life with all that you've got, they may not always be around. Love whole heartedly. Remember to treat people the way you want to be treated. If you play games with people's hearts expect that, one day, that heartbreak will come right back your way. Be faithful. It's your own integrity that's on the line. Whether this is in friendships or relationships, keep your promises. Love is based on trust. If you are an honest and trustworthy person you will find love. A life without real, honest love really isn't a life at all. But remember, it may not always be easy. Love can't be perfect either. Be Kind. In the grand scheme of things it's really not that hard to be a good person. Sometimes it can be a challenge, and obviously not everyone gets along. Don't spend time with people who create negativity in your life. Surround yourself with people who make you laugh and with those who believe in you. Be kind to everyone you meet. If you judge a book by its cover you may never know what you're missing. The same goes for people. Listen. Everybody has a story, and these stories are what help us learn and grow. It's far easier to go through life being nice to others then it is to walk all over them. Smile. As often and as big as you can. There is nothing more attractive than a truly happy, truly kind person. Be Humble. Recognize that you are extremely blessed. If you have running water, a roof over your head and love in your life then you've already got more than most people. Do not take these things for granted. Appreciate the seemingly "small things." Don't judge people by their possessions because it's what's in the heart that really matters. Appreciate everything, big and small. Say thank you, for even the smallest gift can be full of love. It's not always the big actions or gifts that mean the most. Be Free. Appreciate and acknowledge that you are a free person. Be grateful that you can choose your job, your friends and your beliefs. Express your freedom. Think about all of the choices that you have- who to love, where to go and who to be. Choose wisely. Although our freedom may be our right it's also a gift. Do good with your freedom, for not all people have the freedom to do what is right. Breathe. Climb a mountain, feel the air and be grateful. Because whatever you do choose, your biggest freedom is knowing that you are safe to live out your life. Be Happy. Life isn't always easy, and everyone has their down days. You may not always get to see your closest friends but the most important thing is knowing that they are there. Be as true to them as they are to you. Laugh. Look back on the times where you laughed so hard that you cried, these are the times that mean the most and that you will remember forever. Life is too short to sweat the small stuff. Being negative and pessimistic will only result in lonliness and a constant feeling of dissatisfaction. If you put goodness out into the world it's bound to bounce right back. Spend your time with people who bring you the most joy, the people who keep your heart light. Be ridiculous. Be goofy. And let loose. Laugh until it hurts. Be Strong. In the end, the only person you can truly rely on is yourself. You can't blame others for your failures nor can you give them full credit for your acheivements. Be true to yourself. If you are not confident in yourself, or your decisions, people will take advantage of you. Don't give them this chance. There is nothing more important than your own heart. Stand up for what you believe in, keep your chin up, and no matter what take care of you. Always, always have backbone.

'Some Grow Young, Some Grow Cold'

"Do not stop thinking of life as an adventure.

You have no security unless you can live bravely, excitingly, imaginatively;

unless you can choose a challenge instead of a competence."

-Eleanor Roosevelt

I used to collect envelopes.
Not rocks, or dolls, or bugs.
Envelopes.

After my parents opened their mail I would secretly root through the recycling bin and gather up as many envelopes as I could. I would take them into my room and lay them out on my floor. Then, I would slowly peel off the stamps and place them in a seperate ziplock bag. The stamps were cool (plus I figured that it was a bit more normal to have a stamp collection than a envelope collection) so I kept them too. But my real curiosity was with the envelopes. My favorite ones had the little plastic windows that made the coolest crackily noise ever, so when I got my hands on one of those it was a real bonus. Even then I knew this collection was a little weird, so no one knew about it. I kept my envelope stash safely under my bed in a shoe box, and just in case someone were to stumble across this bizzare collection, as a decoy, I kept the stamps on top of the envelopes. At the time, I thought I was pretty darn smart.

I recently remembered this collection and wondered why I was so fascinated with envelopes. So, with the hope that someone would have an answer, I asked around. Some poeple said that envelopes could represent adventure and far away places, or that they were like a shell, an outer layer that needs to be shed in order to discover whats on the inside. And some said that envelopes are a sort of forbbiden and mysterious thing since you can never really know whats inside of them unless the mail is yours. All of this was very helpful and also very confusing to me. Each one of these explanations made total sense and could easily fit into some part of my life- my need to constantly seek adventure and change, growing up and shedding all (ok most) of my awkward layers and, of course, my sense of curiosity (which does sometime kill). However, as a kid, I don't think that any of these things crossed my mind. I liked my envelopes because they made cool sounds and smelled kinda weird. Plus, no one else had a sweet envelope collection.

We all grow up. And most of us grow up faster than we would like. We stop collecting worms, and toy cars and barbies. We move on into the 'real world' and begin our lives. But, one thing we will hopefully always have is our memories. It's important to look back on these memories and realise that, yes, we may be taller and smarter than we were before, we may collect nicer things instead of rooting through garbage or digging in the dirt, but the bottom line is that all of these goofy things we did as kids make us who we are. They shaped our personalities and at one point were just as real to us as are the jobs that we have today. These seemingly unimportant collections were our windows into the world and allowed us to freely discover it each and every day.

So, I write this piece in the hopes that, despite all of the ridiculous things that you might remember about yourself, you take the time to look back on your childhood and recall all the silly stories. That you take a moment to recognize that everything you thought was possible then, is still possible now, it just may take a few extra steps. That you rediscover the world and always keep a part of your childhood with you. Because no matter how tall or smart you get, who you are today really, isn't that much different from yesterday.

Secrets: Revealed

There's secrets, and there are secrets.

Some secrets fall along the lines of day to day gossip; a friends new love interest, an embarassing moment, what she heard through the grape vine about so and so. Stories that, in the grand scheme of things, hold no importance at all. It is much more likely that this type of secret will "just so happen" to slip out, and the only consequence of not keeping this secret will be a short moment of drama and dissapointment. Reality is, it is this secrets' job to make its way through our own personal grape vines and to be discovered. This type of secret, (although I do truly believe that a secret is a secret and should be kept either way) essentially, creates the sad entertainment of our daily lives. In other words, as far as secrets are concerned, it's at the bottom of the food chain. No one really cares about it, and most people will likely eat these secrets up as fast as they can.

However, every now and then someone chooses to reveal to us a secret. This type of secret is king shit and should require a 'warning' sign to be stamped on its forehead. Once being told this secret, the receiver of this new information needs to be aware that, by chance this secret should be told, there are not only life changing consequences for the giver but also for the receiver. Needless to say, there are only a select few who will ever tell their secret and an even smaller amount who will ever get to hear them.

For some reason, which to this day I will never quite grasp, I have been the receiver of many such secrets. Most people will think that this is something to be proud of- because clearly it implies that you're a trustworthy person, and in turn that's something to boast about. It's not. (That is not to say that I don't understand why someone might think it is or that I don't see the importance of being 'a receiver,' but knowing the reality of these secrets I also understand their downside). Basically, this isn't the type of secret that you try to learn simply because you're a curious person. This type of secret usually springs itself on you when you least expect it, from those you least expect, and in my experience, at the times where you're pretty sure another secret might kill you.

The scary thing is, when someone tells you this secret you're holding their lives, their dignity and their hearts in your hands. You have to make the commitment and the promise that, no matter what (and I really mean no matter what) this secret will never leave the confines of your heart and your mind. This secret now becomes a part of who you are and will forever change you. This secret will also change how you see the world and moreover, how you see the person that told you. If that's not hard enough, here's the real kicker: You can't judge the persons' secret. No matter what this secret may be you have to love them unconditionally. That's the hardest and the most important part, and the part that most people don't understand (which subsequently is the reason why some of these secrets get told). Most people don't understand the meaning of unconditional love, and fail to realise that really loving a person means loving the darkest, scariest, weirdest things about them- whether they have been wronged or done wrong or are doing wrong. Whether they pick their nose or have extra toes or whatever, you have to love them. And you have to keep their secret. Now or later, no matter what position keeping this secret might put you in, you have to keep it.

Realistically, most people can't do this. And realistically, that's completely fair. It's failing to reconize that about yourself before acquiring the secret that's the problem. My point of all this secret talk is this. Some people are put on this earth to be great leaders, others to be great inventors or writers or doctors or dreamers. Others are put on this earth to trust. We are put on this earth simply so people don't have to carry everything on their own. We are put on this world to love others despite their flaws and to make them realise that whatever their secrets may be there is always someone who loves them. I truly believe that some secrets will change you forever (for better or for worse), but I also believe that there is a reason why these secrets have become my burden to bear.

If there is one secret about me that is the scariest and hardest thing for myself and others to understand, and accept, it's that no matter who you are and no matter what has happened to you I will never not love you. I will never judge your past or present unless you ask me to. And no matter what (and I really mean no matter what) your secret is always safe with me.

...but I guess that's not a secret at all.

Its My Heart Your Holding

Having someone love and trust you,

with all their heart
is the greatest and most important gift one could ever receive.
It is also the biggest responsibility.
Be sure that you are ready to take care of that persons heart...
as though it were your own.

"My Heart is Not the Type to Sway"

* I am my number one. If I am not your priority, you will not be mine.
* I will not waste my time waiting around for anyone.
* I will take care of myself before taking care of someone else who doesn't appreciate it.
* I will no longer invest energy in part time friends.

* I will use my money to go places that I really want to be, to spend time with the people I absolutely love... And to see more concerts lol

* I will do what I want to do, when I want to, how I want to.

* I will remain honest and trustworthy.
* I will stand up for myself and speak my mind.

* I realise that there are a ton of people in this world to meet, I will not worry about loneliness.

* I understand and value my self worth.

* I will never understand why people try to justify things they don't know anything about. If you don't know, educate yourself before you speak. I will learn from this mistake.

* I will gain as much knowledge as I can about as many things as I can.

* I will form my own opinion around the knowledge that I gain, and I realise that many may not share the same opinion. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions.

* If I am wrong, I will admit to it. If I don't understand, I will ask.

* I realise that no one is perfect, and I will not expect myself to be.

* I will not fight a losing battle. Some people will always be "right" just because they can't stand the thought of being wrong or imperfect. This is their problem, not mine.

* I will stand up for what I believe in. No matter what.

* I will call you out on your mistakes, and applaud your good qualities and acheivements.
* I will continue to reconize something good in everybody, even if they've let me down.

* I will always put family first.

* I will try my best to be respectful and kind to those around me, even though at times it may be difficult.

* I will think before I speak.

* I will not let anyones immaturity, jealousy or spiteful actions upset me. This is a reflection on their character, not my own.

* I will be grateful for the incredible people I know and focus my energy on them.

* I will continue to be forever thankful to those who have helped me achieve my goals and dreams, and who have taught me the importance of integrity and love.

* I will continue to remind myself that without love and compassion, there would be nothing.

"Give up get it out of your head,

Crawl away from me.

Some times its better left alone this way,

And maybe its time for a little bit of change.

Todays a brand new day."

Running

Run

to feel your strength,

to feel the air,
to feel alive.

Run

to let go,

to forget.

We are all running from something.

...Or for something.

To my dearest friend, with love...

Dear Far Away Friend,

I needed to write you this letter because I want you to understand just how important you are to me. Our friendship began at a lovely college I like to call "OC," in a wonderful history class. We started our friendship by sharing notes, comparing quizzes and having last minute cramming sessions in the library. Surely enough, we quickly became life long friends. I will never forget the first time you told me about your good friend and invited me to go meet him- I was so inspired by his story and even happier to have met someone who loved caring for people as much as I do. I knew right away that you and I were going to get along just fine. I want to thank you for so many things that I don't even think it's possible to write them all down; or even explain to you the amount to which you have changed my life.

When I first moved to Kelowna I was in such a transitional faze. I had no friends and no family anywhere near me and I was hoping to start a whole new life for myself. Right away you made every effort to introduce me to new people and new experiences. Whether it was beer league baseball, wings and drinks with friends or the chance to study together you were always sure to invite me along. You explained to me the ins and outs of college life and made me feel at home in a totally foreign environment. I remember one week I was getting really homesick and life just wasn't going the way I thought it would; you made me the funniest CD ever full of goofy soundtracks and songs. I listened to it that night and laughed and laughed and eventually cried because I was so happy to have met you. Thank you for being the first person I knew I could count on.

As time went by things for me got harder and harder. Fortunately, you were always there to show me the bright side of life. Thank you for always, truly, listening. The wonderful thing about you is that you always know the right time to offer advice. Thank you for letting me cry when I needed to, and for forcing me to go out when enough was enough. I remember right before I left, when life was getting really rough, you came to my house pretty much every day to check up on me and make sure that I was doing ok. For hours, you sat on the couch right beside me while I cried and cried, and my mom made us perogies just because she knew how much we loved them. Every time I think about that moment I can't help but cry. I truly believe you saved my life.

Eventually, it was time for me to move home. It was so sudden and I was so scared. I didn't want to lose any of my friends, and I didn't want to let go. I was so worried and so torn about my decision. My first months back home were hard, but once again you were by my side letting me know that I was not alone. You gave me space and time to heal, you gave me strength to believe that I could do it. You had faith in me when I didn't have faith in myself. For this I am forever grateful.

There are some things that I want you to know. First and foremost is that I love you. I will always, always, be here for you no matter how far apart we may be. Second, is that I have so much faith in you, and that I am so proud of you. You are an amazing, incredible human being with so much to offer to this world. Everywhere you go you make people smile and everywhere you go you make people feel loved. This is something that most of us can only dream of doing. I have every confidence that you will accomplish every goal you set for yourself and that one day you will touch the hearts of many people. Never, ever, stop believing in yourself. And never change who you are.

I know we have a lifetime ahead of us full of laughter, tears, and joy. I cannot wait to see all the memories we'll share together ten years from now. You are one person in my life that I hope to know until the day that I die. To be honest, I'm not quite sure what I would do without you. I don't need to explain to you the connection that we have, but I do want you to know that I believe I am extremely blessed to have you in my life.

You are,

without a doubt,

my angel.

<3