"Are you ready for some skating action!"

Last night I got a solid...hour of sleep. Due to my awesome procrastinating skills I didn't finish packing until late and of course I got the flying jitters/excitement to the point where having a full nights rest really wasn't in the game plan.
Needless to say, when it was time for me to wake up at 4:45am it wasn't a struggle at all.
The grueling 45 minute flight to Kelowna really only seemed to last 5 minutes compared to the 13 hours to Scotland...and what was even better was that my dear friend Shaun was waiting for me! My day mainly consisted of catching of catching up on sleep which was totally wonderful. Read a little, watched The Dark Knight and now it's time for a trip to the local CNC arena for a serious skate with Alyssa and Shaun! woohoo!
What a wonderful life

It All Comes Around

It has been nearly a year now since I've been back home.
Much has changed, but more so, much has remained the same.
Friends still come and go,
Plans and ideas still change,
and still certain places, smells and songs remind me of the past.
I would never go back, but it is encouraging to know that the past will forever be a part of me and that I have become strong enough to look back and smile.
I've grown and forgiven those who have caused me pain, learned from my mistakes and become a stronger person.
I hold on and cherish those who have been by my side, no matter how much time has past, or how far apart we are. What is even more comforting is that I've realized these are people that will forever be in my life.
I've learned that who I am, and what I believe in will never change. In fact, my past has only reinforced these beliefs and values. I feel stronger now within myself, and more confident knowing that I have shaped who I am because of my choices, and my choices alone. No one has the power to change me or tell me how I should be, this is a power and a choice that lies solely within myself. Through my experiences I have learned plenty, but most of all, I have learned to always, no matter what, stay true to myself.
You may have put in the hours, but I've put in a lifetime, and this is me.

"I think somehow we learn who we really are, and then live with that decision."
-Anonymous

Lost in Translation

The best way to find yourself...
is to get lost.

We say goodnight, from our own seperate sides

Life is change
and change is life.
How do we know when we need change?
a fresh start, a new beginning, a new day?
Moreover, how do we know when the change we've made is good for us?
Do we smile more, eat more, laugh more, hug more?
Or are we just the same person we were before?
Sometimes I think the changes I've made have been good ones, and other times I wonder what I'm missing out on. I feel like I have two different lives...one here, and one there. I struggle to find a way to bring them all together, and sometimes wonder if it's even possible.
Then when I really get to thinking about it, I wonder where home really is. They say home is where the heart is....well my hearts in two different places. Will I always be split in two?
Do I let go of the past completely, or do I hold on to the people and places I miss and love?
Is my past forever my past, or will pieces of my past become part of my present?
...i need you so much closer...

Bad things come in threes...

May 10th
Hannah's ipod gets stolen. Which is a real super bummer cause Whit and I are goin on a road trip soon and I realllllyyyy needed that! urg

May 12th
Approximately 3:30 in the afternoon.
Hannah get's into an accident in the parking lot right after booking an appointment to get her hair colored. The man was a total dink and was trying to get the witness to go away cause he was taking my side...furthermore buddy in the van was driving on my side of the road (hello!) and blamed the accident on ME! I dont think so sir. Hannah is late for work after spending ridiculous hours at the police station and on the phone with the insurance company. Lame. Nevertheless, Hannah gets her grumpy ass to work and tries to forget about it.

May 12th
Approximately 11:30 at night.
Hannah walks her, still, grumpy ass to her car which is parked in a near by cul-de-sac after work. Stunned Hannah realizes that her facking car window has been smashed! In a rampage Hannah goes back to work, calls the police and her mom to come help her. 2o minutes later Hannah returns to her car with her mom and the car as been moved and some asshole poo head has tried to steal her car by ripping up the steering wheel and being an overall moron...( who the hell steals cars?!) Feeling completely violated and totally freaked out that some random was in her car Hannah throws a bitch fit and her and her mom get into a completely full on yelling argument. Definitely not a mother/daughter hallmark moment. At 1:30 am (yeah am!) the police finally show up after Hannah has spent hours sobing and wondering why the world is full of cruel people. Hannah fills out her second police report of the day and tries her best not to be a complete nut case/ragging lunatic in front of the cops. Only bonus of the whole day/night: The police men were BOTH (yes both) smoking hot! Gotta love men in uniform!


Let's just say my life is a little bit of a gongshow right now. Aside from having no idea how to handle insurance issues and loser people that enjoy stealing other ppl's stuff/cars I still have to manage retaining my sanity at work and now saving money for freaking repairs on my car rather than school or traveling or things I actually care about.
But! Even though when it rains it pours there have been 2 things that have kept me on my feet and have helped me keep my chin up 1) My road trip with Whit in t-minus 7 days to lovely Victoria, BC. And 2) I got accepted to U Vic!!!! So I guess life isn't all bad and there is still plenty to be smiling about. This is just another one of those challenging obstacles that life likes to throw in there every now and again to keep you on your toes! Let's just hope the bad luck is done for the time being

Every day is a new day

No one is perfect
People make mistakes.
In fact, making mistakes is one of the biggest parts of being human
and one of the best ways too learn.
Ive always thought that its impossible learn from other people's mistakes,
instead we have to make our own and learn from them ourselves.
Today I made a mistake.
I was pretty bummed because I hurt someone that I really enjoy and love working with.
Luckily, she had to decency to sit me down, tell me how she felt and give me the chance to let her know what was going on in my life.
In the end, we hugged it out and we let each other know how much we respect and care about each other.
Needless to say, I don't think I've ever had such a productive disagreement.

On my drive home, this whole situation got me thinking.
Does everyone learn from their mistakes?
Do people see second chances as a gift or do they just take advantage?
Furthermore, how easy is it to grant a person a second chance?
And how do we come to truly forgive a person and believe they can change?

The last couple years I've made a lot of mistakes, and I've seen others make them too.
But it's funny and almost crazy to me to see that, in the end, those who care about me the most, and those who truly love and know me, still respect, care, trust and love me just as much as they did before. I think this truly speaks to why I am so able to forgive and move on from those who have hurt me, intentionally or unintentionally.

I have been blessed by the grace of others who know I can, and will, change the mistakes that I've made. I think that now, is my chance to pass on the grace and love that people have shown me. Life is far too short and there is far too much to experience in this world to waste our time holding grudges and negative feelings.

We can only be free when can forgive ourselves and those around us.

It's out of my hands

We all start off our lives with dreams and goals that we all think will determine the rest of our lives.
I've come to realize, that we really have only so much control over what becomes of our dreams and goals.
For me, it's always best to have a plan, but you have to be open to change, and realize that everything you set out to do and all the plans you've made are more than likely to change in the blink of an eye.
Although I had to leave the place I loved, I now know that it was to right thing to do. Despite the fact I left some of the most amazing people behind, they are still a huge part of my life.
We're lucky- we get to choose who we want to keep with us, and who we don't, no matter how far apart we are.
Sometimes when I really take the time to sit down and think, I realize that the people I have come across within the last year are truly my angles. They are the ones that helped me grow, lifted me up when I was down and truly proved to be the best friends anyone could ever ask for. It still amazes me that to this day, even though we are miles apart, the connection we had is not lost. And when I really think of it, those people really did change me forever...I could not be more grateful for having the chance to meet these people and call them my friends.
Now, I'm starting a new "episode" of my life. Even though I'm not really sure where I want to be in September- school, traveling, or still floating around trying the find the perfect plan- I can now accept that I don't really have a real plan this time around. For once in my life, even though I'm scared as hell, I'm just going to let life take it's course. Enjoy one day at a time, love the people I'm with, and let my future unfold on it's own.

Karma

Today was a good day
..despite the fact that Monday is, well, Monday.
I realized that I'm becoming more and more comfortable in my own skin, and the things that I tend to over think and over react about will really work themselves out in the end...as long as you give life a chance.
Working hard, really isn't that hard as long as you keep your head on your shoulders and have a somewhat positive attitude.
Most importantly, I realized that every day someone at work gives me a huge hug or a big smile and actually cares about how I'm doing. There might be a lot of losers out there, but there are also a lot of amazing people and life really is that much better if you chose to spend your time with real and honest people. Appreciate people for who they are, show them respect, honesty and be trustworthy and you will gain no less back.

Discovery

One of my most favorite things to do is to sit down and just stare out of a window and let my mind take over. Its funny, cause there's some windows that work perfectly for this...and others that just don't (if you know what I mean.)
This morning I woke up and decided to stare out of my kitchen window...it doesn't look onto anything special- my backyard, a tree that still hasn't gotten any spring leaves, a fence...and thats about it- I realized that even though my life may not be where I want it to be today, that soon, it will be. I'll be in a new place, with new things to do and new people to be with. I'll have the space to discover things I never knew and, hopefully, finally feel like I'm where I belong. So really, today may not be exactly what I want it to be, but today is a stepping stone, a time in my life to pause and try and make the best of what I've got at the moment.
What I'm living for now is the hope and the dream of finding my new place in the world, of discovering another perfect window in place presently unknown to me...

Fresh

Today...
Im starting over.
Today...
Is my new beginning.


...and thats exactly what I've needed for so long.